Invalidating my feelings
This means that they get to treat you the way they want, and manoeuvre the situation so you don't get to feel the appropriate responses. Of all the abuses heaped upon daughters of narcissistic mothers, this might be the worst. They dismiss and undermine your your feelings and emotions to make you feel only what's acceptable to them that you feel.If you have led a normal life, this has happened to you thousands of times. As human beings, we are 98% emotional and 2% rational. It is, in my subjective opinion, one of the root causes of relationship conflicts, trauma-induced mental illness and violence.) A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. The Power of Positive Thinking was a big one at the time.He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotional brain-- one of nature's most basic survival tools. She would have me read to her while she made dinner. I believe in being mindful of our feelings, and expressing them unless it would be harmful to someone else in which case, find a safe outlet write, paint, maybe vent to a listening friend.Because of this invalidation daughters of narcissistic mothers can grow up believing that they are abnormal or twisted.
Invalidating your emotions means your partner doesn't have to address them.
The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. I know these things, but sometimes I forget and get carried away by my emotions too.
In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). So I give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel self-pity, then I remind myself how many blessings I have and try to do better.
Every decision, every behavior and every motivation we experience is driven by our emotions.
And yet, our culture says that raw emotions are bad.